Wednesday, March 9, 2011

About My Marriage!

I know I have told you some of what happened to me while I was married. I thought I would let you know how I met my ex-husband,what happened while we were married and how my marriage ended.

I thought I would do this so that people would get a better understanding what I have gone through in my marriage and with my kids. I can let you know one thing it is not easy being a single parent to three kids. My ex's name is Don.

When I first met my ex-husband I thought he was pain in the butt. Some friends and I would go to a restaurant on Friday nights to hand out and talk.   He always tried to start a fight with my friend Blair.  I would have to get in the middle of the two of them to stop them. Blair was in the Army Reserves in the Barret. I would get so mad at Don every time he would start this with Blair. Don would do this in the middle of the restaurant. Don always thought he was Gods gift to woman. Don would come there with his friend John and I would tell John to get him out of there before they both got kicked out. John was really nice to everyone it was just Don acting like an idiot.

About a month later Blair and I started to go out and that made Don really mad. Don came up to Blair and I and told Blair to go outside because he was going to beat him. So Blair got up from the table and went outside to see if Don had it in him to beat him. But like always I got in between them and I told Blair not to do this because I loved him and  I didn't want Blair to go to jail. So Blair backed down and walked away from Don. Then Don told Blair that he was a chicken because of what I said to Blair.  Blair and I went out for about six months then Blair broke up with me.

Then in September of 1983 I started to go out with Don. While we were going out he was really nice to me and he told me that in January he was going in the the Military for basic training with the Army. He met my parents and my parents really liked him. Then Don asked my dad if he could marry me and my dad said yes. So in December of 1983 we got married. Then in January he left for basic training which was suppose to be for three months. But he had to stay a month longer because there was one test he couldn't pass.

So when he came home I found out that he was going to be stationed in Louisiana. I was not happy about that because he was taking me away from my family. He was stationed here for three years..So he left in June and in August my mom and dad took me down to Louisiana. By then Don had a house for us off base. The housing list for on base was two years long. My parents only stayed over night there then they went back home. When they left I had no car to get anywhere. I was thankful there was a little store down the block from me so I could go and get a few things that we needed. If I had to do regular shopping on base I would have to walk or take a cab.  I did make friends with some of my neighbors. My one friend Renee her husband was in the Military also. So when she went shopping I would go with her. Also our landlord's son was selling a car and we went to look at it. It was a station wagon but I didn't care what kind of car it was as long as it ran real good. So he came down in the price and we got the car. I was so happy when we got the car so I could go and do laundry at the laundry mat and go shopping when I wanted to go instead of waiting for Renee to go. Then in November of 1986 I had my son. He was born at the Military hospital in Louisiana and I was in labor for 18 1/2 hrs with him. Then in December of 1986 Don got an honorable discharge from the Military. So we were home for Christmas that year for good.

So in December we packed everything up and we went back to Illinois with our son. We missed my nieces birthday but I made up for it when we got home. We stored most of our things at his mom and dad's house. We lived with my mom and dad until we both got jobs and a place of our own. This was not easy living with my parents again. But with in about six months we had our own place again. I was happy again because I could do what I wanted to do. My son was like the son my dad never had. He loved his grandson. My dad spoiled his grandson so much. Once I had our son Don wouldn't help with him at all. The  only time he would help with him was when I was at work.

Then in October of 1989 I had our daughter. Our son got so jealous of his sister. After I had her my older sister had a baby shower for me. I never got to have one with our son because we were in Louisiana. So this was really nice of my sister.  With my daughter I had a C-section. So it was hard for me to get around but I had to take care of two kids. I didn't even get help with either of the kids to give them baths. Don's friend John was living with us when I had our daughter and he helped me out when he wasn't working. I will say one thing John helped me out more than there own father.

Then in November of 1992 I had our other daughter. I had another C-section with her. Both the girls were born in Illinois. This wasn't easy with the three kids. I had to get them each there baths and try to keep the two older ones entertained and take care of the youngest when she woke up. At this time my son was in school and I had to get him back and forth to school. So I would have to get the girls dressed and get him dressed to get him to school.

I think it was in March of 1996 my dad talked Don into moving up to Wisconsin. So we moved up here because my dad had retired from the Chicago Tribune newspaper. Then in May of 1996 we moved my mom and dad up here. They have an acre and a half of land up here. Then in September my dad passed away. 

I was also getting the kids dressed and ready to go to church. All three of my kids are baptized. When the kids got older Don would just yell at them all the time because he could not hear his t.v.. He would call them and I all kinds of names. Basically he verbally and mentally abused us.  I was scared to come home from work because I didn't know what kind of mood he would be in. He would throw dishes, lamps, chair, end tables, coffee tables and toys. It would not hit us. He has also put holes in the walls with his fists. He would never help the kids with homework. I would come home from work and help the kids with homework, get dinner going, make sure they got there baths and get clothes out for the next day. Don would sit there in front of the t.v..

So in May of 2003 he decided to leave us while I was at my mom's house. He was suppose to meet me at my mom's but he never showed up. I found out from my son that during the week Don was packing some of his things into his truck while I was at work. This was on a Saturday that he had left. Then on Monday I went to my case worker I had for medical assistance and she filed for child support for me. I almost lost my job on Monday also because I went in and talked to my manager and told him what Don had done to me. Then  week later I find out that Don left me two months behind in rent, three months behind in car payments. I was so mad at him to do this to the kids and I. So three months later I lost the apartment and the car.

The only way he would see our youngest daughter is if I brought her over to his place. Then I find out he moved out because he got his new girlfriend pregnant.  He told me before I had my tubes cut and tied that he wanted one more baby. I told him no more with this body. So he found someone else and had one more.

So in June of 2002 I filed for my divorce. I had to see him so he could sign the papers. The dog I had at the time would not let  Don in the house. The dog knew what he did and was mad at Don too. So I got the papers signed and my divorce was final in January 2003. So I have been a single mom for nine years. I will tell you when the judge said my divorce was final I was so happy. I have been happy ever since because I got the main stress out of my life. To this day if the kids want to talk to there dad they have to call him he will not call the kids. All I can say to that what a real nice Dad.

So everyone that is my life being married. I don't miss that life at all but I do have three wonderful kids out of the marriage. I love them very much!♥


  1. Cher I went through a lot of this with you. I know how hard it was. I could never firgure him out NOR DO I WANT TOO. You have such special children. I can not understand why he does not want any thing to do with his kids. Thank Him for all the trouble he gave you and leaving you for the other lady. You got stronger and now know what you are willing to take from a man. And you also know what to give back in a relation ship. You took your time after the divorce and found a very SPECIAL MAN. I am so proud of you.

  2. Thank you for your comment. Yes I know you went through this with me and you were always there for me to talk to. One thing I am thankful for is I never went into a depression like my family thought I would. I had my kids to think about and that is what I did.

    I am just thankful for finding my boyfriend. Yes he is the love of my life now. The kids and him are my life and my world. There will be another blog about how we met.